Verse 1

Welcome to the internet

Have a look around

Anything that brain of yours can think of can be found

We've got mountains of content

Some better, some worse

If none of it's of interest to you, you'd be the first

Verse 2

Welcome to the internet

Come and take a seat

Would you like to see the news or any famous women's feet?

There's no need to panic

This isn't a test, haha

Just nod or shake your head and we'll do the rest

Verse 3

Welcome to the internet

What would you prefer?

Would you like to fight for civil rights or tweet a racial slur?

Be happy

Be horny

Be bursting with rage

We got a million different ways to engage

Verse 4

Welcome to the internet

Put your cares aside

Here's a tip for straining pasta

Here's a nine-year-old who died

We got movies, and doctors, and fantasy sports

And a bunch of colored pencil drawings

Of all the different characters in Harry Potter fucking each other

Welcome to the internet

Bridge

Hold on to your socks

'Cause a random guy just kindly sent you photos of his cock

They are grainy and off-putting

He just sent you more

Don't act surprised, you know you like it, you whore

Verse 5

See a man beheaded

Get offended, see a shrink

Show us pictures of your children

Tell us every thought you think

Start a rumor, buy a broom

Or send a death threat to a boomer

Or DM a girl and groom her

Do a Zoom or find a tumor in your

Here's a healthy breakfast option

You should kill your mom

Here's why women never fuck you

Here's how you can build a bomb

Which Power Ranger are you?

Take this quirky quiz

Obama sent the immigrants to vaccinate your kids

Pre-Chorus

Could I interest you in everything

All of the time?

A bit of everything

All of the time

Verse 6

Could I interest you in everything?

All of the time?

A little bit of everything

All of the time

Interest in everything

All of the time

Bridge 2

Here's a tip for straining pasta

Here's a nine-year-old who died

We've got movies, and doctors, and fantasy sports

And a bunch of colored pencil drawings

Of all the different characters in Harry Potter fucking each other

Outro

You know, it wasn't always like this

Not very long ago

Just before your time

Right before the towers fell, circa '99

This was catalogs

Travel blogs

A chat room or two

We set our sights and spent our nights

Waiting for you, you, insatiable you

Mommy let you use her iPad

You were barely two

And it did all the things

We designed it to do

Now look at you, look at you

You, you! Unstoppable, watchable

Your time is now

Your inside's out

Honey, how you grew

And if we stick together

Who knows what we'll do

It was always the plan

To put the world in your hand